Posted by: Ethan Johnson | May 16, 2010

WFTDA: Assassination City vs Big Easy Rollergirls 5/15/2010


Really, what more can I say? My head is pounding, my ears ringing, my palms hurt and my throat is sore. In short, all you need to know is, Assassination City Roller Derby is the shiz-NIGHT.

On to the recap and commentary.

Assassination City rolls in Mesquite, TX which is a much shorter drive for me than the Dallas Derby Devils. I got the impression that ACRD was extra “crunk” as their venue is an old skating rink with low ceilings. Myth: confirmed.

Line for ACRD bout

Oh yeah, set the Wayback Machine for 1977.

Actually, as the lead announcer mentioned quite a bit, Dad’s Broadway Skateland opened in 1961. This place is the real deal.

Disco ball

Seriously, 1977, dude.

As a side note, I have a wealth of happy memories of the Westmont Roller Rink and the disco ball was cool then and it’s cool now. They don’t activate any of those rink effects during roller derby but they’re fun to stare up and and think about.

Derby girl

Close encounters of the Derby kind.

It turns out that the ACRD season doesn’t officially start until next month when they have “internal” bouts unlike this one, but it was cool to see an out of state roller derby crew stop by. The Big Easy Roller Girls came up from New Orleans and enjoyed a fair amount of fan support.

Unfortunately, my camera SUCKED WIND all night and I am at a loss for how to resolve my camera woes short of a major upgrade, but that’s a long, long way off. Here is the final score for Bout 1: Dirty Little Secret Service (Dallas) vs The Crescent Wenches (New Orleans).

Final score for bout 1

Dallas for the win in bout 1

I will pause here to note that DJ Whitenoise is a freakin’ goddess. At one point the strains of “World Destruction” by Time Zone came over the PA and I knew it was love.

Special Ops pre-skate

Special Ops warming up.

The main event featured Assassination City Special Ops against the Big Easy All-Stars. Unlike the opening bout where ACRD had some quick jammers that could overcome any sort of point deficit, the Special Ops team got clogged up in the back and the middle of the pack a lot while Big Easy zipped to the front and went bonkers.

Here is the halftime score:

Halftime score for Bout 2

So close and yet so far.

Some people in front of me left after the first bout and I scooted up to the front row. I have to say, who needs “Avatar” when you can have 3-D thrills as derby girls narrowly miss plowing into you on the turns?

Caution tape

Yo, no joke.

I got fed up with the camera and also needed to call it an early night as I work on Sundays.

ACRD jeerleaders

The Jackie KOs

But ohhhh baby, I am so coming back with some derby n00bs in tow. Not to bag on the Dallas Derby Devils, but ACRD was such a rockin’ blast I didn’t want it to end – and I was bummed that it did, and early. Now that I have ACRD experience I’ll be better prepared for next time.

The n00bs won’t know what hit ’em.

Finally, the shocking highlight of the night was, I met “Rice Rocket” from the Texas Rollergirls. She appears to be retired from that squad but once again, I brought it all full circle as Rice Rocket was one of my favorite derby girls to watch on MAV TV. She was very gracious and interested to know how I got into supporting roller derby.

Me and Rice Rocket

ZOMG I met Rice Rocket!

So: Excellent event, amazing derby action, crunk venue, LOUD speakers, live halftime band, the works. I’m here to tell you that if you have never been to live flat-track roller derby now is the time to see what you’re missing. Check the WFTDA site to see who is in your area.

Whew, I’m beat. Can’t wait for next time!



  1. Thanks for the glowing review, Ethan! We had a great time and can’t wait to see you on June 19! This time, we’ll have a Beastie Boys tribute band, Rhymin’ N Stealin’, playing our halftime show.

    If you go to our website, you can sign up for our email newsletter, and become part of our fanclub, “The Warrin’ Commission”!

    Also, be sure to come to our after party at Lee Harvey’s at 1807 Gould Street, Dallas, directly after the bout and party with the derby girls! It’s one of those things you simply must put on your bucket list!


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